An elderly couple, finally enjoying the absolute peace of their empty nest, decided to update their home telephone answering machine. Callers who dialed their number were greeted by a sweet, robotic, yet surprisingly sharp automated menu:
“Good morning! We are currently unavailable to take your call right now, but please leave your message after the tone. To help us process your request efficiently, please listen carefully to the following options:
If you are one of our children, please press 1, and then select a sub-option from 1 to 5 based strictly on your chronological birth order, just so we can brace ourselves for who is calling.
If you desperately need us to babysit the grandkids on short notice, press 2.
If you want to borrow the car because yours is in the shop again, press 3.
If you would like your mother to do your laundry, starch your shirts, and handle the ironing, press 4.
If the grandkids want to stay over for a chaotic weekend sleepover, press 5.
If you forgot to leave work early and need us to rush over and pick up the kids from school, press 6.
If you are expecting a massive Sunday roast dinner, or need that meal packaged and delivered directly to your house, press 7.
If you are planning to show up unannounced and expect us to cook for you, press 8.
If you are calling because you need a short-term, zero-interest loan to pay your rent again, please press 9.
However, if you are calling to invite us out to a fully paid dinner at a five-star restaurant or have extra tickets to the theater… please start talking immediately! We are actually sitting right next to the phone and we are listening!”
