Little Johnny Understood The Assignment PERFECTLY
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully, he said.
“Excellent, Michael!”
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
“Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'”
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A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
“I have an idea,” says the father.
He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table.
“If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker.”
“If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a drunk,…”
“And if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they’re hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table.
He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down.
He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down.
He picks up the Bible, leafs through it, and sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
“Well, how do you like that!” exclaims the father…
… “He’s going to be a politician!”
