A blonde had just been in a terrible car accident

A blonde had just been in a terrible car accident. Somehow, she climbed out of the wreck without a single scratch — and was calmly applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper pulled up.

The officer stared at the crumpled mess of metal and said,
“Ma’am, your car looks like it got flattened by an elephant! Are you sure you’re alright?”

The blonde smiled and replied,
“Oh, I’m perfectly fine, officer!”

Still puzzled, the trooper asked,
“So… what exactly happened here?”

The blonde explained,
“Well, officer, it was the weirdest thing! I was just driving along when out of nowhere — this tree jumped right in front of me! So I swerved to miss it, but another tree popped up on the other side! I swerved again and there was another tree… then another… and another!”

The officer paused for a moment, then said,
“Ma’am, there isn’t a single tree on this road for at least 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

At 3 a.m., a man and his wife were jolted awake by a loud, persistent pounding on their front door.

Groaning, the man reluctantly got up and went to see who it was. Standing in the pouring rain was a drunken stranger, swaying unsteadily.

“Could you give me a push?” the man slurred, water dripping off his soaked clothes.

The husband stared at him in disbelief. “Absolutely not!” he barked. “It’s three in the morning!” He slammed the door shut and stomped back to bed, muttering angrily under his breath.

“Who was that?” his wife asked, still half-asleep.

“Just some drunk guy wanting a push,” he grumbled.

“And did you help him?” she pressed.

“Help him? Of course not! It’s the middle of the night, and it’s pouring out there!”

His wife sat up, turning on the bedside lamp. “You’ve got a short memory,” she said sternly.

“Don’t you remember when our car broke down three months ago? Those two kind strangers stopped to help us without hesitation. How can you refuse to do the same?”